The New Battle of Ontario...

Ladies and gentleman, boys and girls, children of all ages...let me welcome you to the new Battle of Ontario.  Yes this isn't your Battle of Ontario from the 90's where it was Sundin vs. Alfredson, or Lalime or whatever goalie Ottawa had gotten vs. Cujo or Belfour, no no, this is the new battle. From Calgary Alberta and representing the Toronto Maple Leafs, she's 5'4" and can be seen in such films as Old School, Girl Next Door and along side Jack Bauer in 24...ELISHA "SLOPPY SECONDS" CUTHBERT!!!! And from Mukogee, Oklahoma and representing the Ottawa Senators she's 5'3" and can be seen performing the U.S. Anthem at the Superbowl in Miami...ladies and gentleman Carrie "I distracted Tony Romo" Underwood!!!

 

Now, lets be honest, this is probably the most interesting Battle of Ontario that will be happening in a very long time.  Both teams are headed in opposite directions, so we require some sort of entertainment.  Now my recommendation is that Elisha and Carrie get some KY jelly, or jello and just wrestle it out there.  Nothing fancy, I mean, if we really want to ensure the NHL will sanction such an event, we'll even have them wear a leafs and senators bikini. 

 

Dion Phaneuf coming to the Leafs has brought that element of excitement back to Toronto, and I'll have to say, I'm looking more forward to Miss Cuthbert hanging around the ACC than anything.  All she needs to do is bite her lip and say, "I'm all wet" ala her movie the girl next door! 

 

Carrie Underwood, if you didn't realize was the girlfriend Tony Romo had when he completely folded at the end of a season, and a lot of the Dallas media, and the fans in Cowboys country blamed her for the reason the Cowboys weren't successful in the playoffs.  Now although Romo is a basket case (as we've seen with his numerous other girlfriend's he's still managed to mess things up for the Cowboys) is Carrie Underwood the reason why Mike Fisher didn't make the Canadian Olympic team? Maybe Stevie Y thought he'd be distracted and thus decided not to pick him, then again Phaneuf wasn't picked either and he's dating a celeb. 

 

Dion Phanuef plays his first game as a Toronto Maple Leaf tonight, and J.S. Giguire will start his first game as a Leaf.  Giggy does like to play against New Jersey as that was the team that beat him in the Stanley Cup finals, the same finals where he was crowed the Conn Smythe award winner for MVP of the playoffs (in a losing cause).  One of my ball hockey team mates said this last night, and I have to say I agree...from the Goalies and Defensman, the Leafs look like a Stanley Cup Contender, in the forwards, it looks like the Marlies.  Speaking of the Marlies, to all those that I gave Marliest tickets to, who were anxiously waiting to watch the likes of Bozak, Stalberg and Hanson...I apologize, now you'll get to see even worse AHL players as the Marlies had to call up players from their affiliates...gotta love the talent pool that is in the Maple Leafs Organization!!! 

 

In Calgary, the deal that brought in four new bodies, didn't pay immediate dividends for them.  And my oh my how things can change over a span of a couple of years, we were all expecting that Phaneuf's jersey would be retired when he left Calgary, and now that same number three belongs to Ian White.  Its funny how things work out in the NHL, Oli Jokinion (I have no clue to spell his finnish last name) and Niclas Hagman were both teammates on a World Junior team that won Finland gold in the 90's, played together in Florida for a short time, and will be playing together in the Olympics in a week; so why on earth would Daryl Sutter trade him away, when instant chemistry is there between his new player and an asset that he's had and uselessly taking cap space on.  Regardless, the new deal for Calgary has officially happened, and to no surprise, Jokinin and Prust are now New York Rangers, and Kotilak and Higgins are Calgary Flames.  Those two former Rangers go from the most exciting city in the world, to one of the coldest cities in North America...hope you have a fun time buddies!!!  This deal is a clear salary cap dump, as it is quite obvious, Calgary has their sites set on a particular Russian from Atlanta...

 

Now let's get back into this KY/Jello match up between the two contestants in the Battle of Ontario...both women get into the tub and u can see the jelly just going against their legs...yes it is slippery isn't it.  Wow, Carrie Underwood has brought her guitar into the match up ala the Honky Tonk Man....this should be interesting.  Elisha has her hockey stick so both sides are even! I don't know about you guys, but I'm just picturing two beautiful women, wearing bikini's in KY jelly...holding some pieces of sturdy wood!

 

I'm ending the blog right there...don't think there is a point to go much further than that!!! I'll let your imagination run wild!!!

 

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